12.29.2003
Episode 12|27
See every time I try to leave, you think of new reasons of why I should stay. | Every time I say no, I can't believe you still get mad 'cause I won't give you your way... ~Jaguar Wright, The What If's
I try to maintain them. I try to be honest within them. But for the life of me I can't understand why friendships and I don't mix. But you know what, it's not that, because I have been friends with my boy Jon-Jo, my homegirl Nicassa, and countless others for 15 plus years. What it is, is these bullshit-fake-ass friendships I've seemed to stumble upon recently. Sdot , *peering dangerously over my shoulder* says I'm being a little too harsh, but fuck that, I'm sick of the format: you're my friend when I agree with you, but when I don't: hot damn' ho here we go again...
*Holds breath, and counts to ten..*
Ah-ight so let me begin again. I've been blessed to have my fam in town for the holidays. My parents live in Georgia, and as a result I don't get the chance to see them as often as I would like, so, when I do get to spend time with them you best believe I make it my business to focus entirely on them. A rational mind would understand this. A rational mind would also understand the holidays bring on a whole new set of rules, responsiblilities, etc., so if things tend to slip, they know not to take it personally. An irrational mind on the other hand, will raise all types of hell if you fail to return their phone-call within a specified amount of time.
I can't be everything to everybody. I can't be with my parents, on the telephone, returning e-mails, purchasing gifts, planning the next quarter, hanging with friends, spending time with Sdot, promoting my novel, organizing speaking engagements, updating my website, helping Sdot babysit his siblings, and fully engaged with everything else going on in my life at the same time. Some things are going to slip. Not because I do not think whatever it is, is un-important, but rather my human-ness does not allow be to be that super-perfect being.
You expect your friends to understand this, especially your closest friends. What you do not expect while in the middle of entertaining 25 members of your immediate family is a phone call from your so-called best bud that starts: "How come every time I call you, you're sooo busy..." and ends (as reported to Sdot): "Y'all actin' like y'all sitting on some throne or somethin'."
More than anything, that shit hurt. It hurt because it came from someone I love. It hurt because it came from someone I've known for years. It hurt because it was said maliciously, with the intent to scar. It hurt because with this friend in particular, we've crossed this point in the road one too many times.
People say I act a little funny | I wouldn't change not for no money... ~TLC, What About Your Friends
Believe it or not, already, it's beginning. People are treating me differently, why...I don't know. But, if this is a sign of things to come: people blatantly attacking you because they think you're leaving them out, then maybe it's time for me to envoke my Spiritual Caller ID as defined by author Kevin E. Taylor in his book Unclutter, Cleanse Your Spirit, and Claim your Stuff, so that I'll have one less bell to answer.
I try to maintain them. I try to be honest within them. But for the life of me I can't understand why friendships and I don't mix. But you know what, it's not that, because I have been friends with my boy Jon-Jo, my homegirl Nicassa, and countless others for 15 plus years. What it is, is these bullshit-fake-ass friendships I've seemed to stumble upon recently. Sdot , *peering dangerously over my shoulder* says I'm being a little too harsh, but fuck that, I'm sick of the format: you're my friend when I agree with you, but when I don't: hot damn' ho here we go again...*Holds breath, and counts to ten..*
Ah-ight so let me begin again. I've been blessed to have my fam in town for the holidays. My parents live in Georgia, and as a result I don't get the chance to see them as often as I would like, so, when I do get to spend time with them you best believe I make it my business to focus entirely on them. A rational mind would understand this. A rational mind would also understand the holidays bring on a whole new set of rules, responsiblilities, etc., so if things tend to slip, they know not to take it personally. An irrational mind on the other hand, will raise all types of hell if you fail to return their phone-call within a specified amount of time.
I can't be everything to everybody. I can't be with my parents, on the telephone, returning e-mails, purchasing gifts, planning the next quarter, hanging with friends, spending time with Sdot, promoting my novel, organizing speaking engagements, updating my website, helping Sdot babysit his siblings, and fully engaged with everything else going on in my life at the same time. Some things are going to slip. Not because I do not think whatever it is, is un-important, but rather my human-ness does not allow be to be that super-perfect being.
You expect your friends to understand this, especially your closest friends. What you do not expect while in the middle of entertaining 25 members of your immediate family is a phone call from your so-called best bud that starts: "How come every time I call you, you're sooo busy..." and ends (as reported to Sdot): "Y'all actin' like y'all sitting on some throne or somethin'."
More than anything, that shit hurt. It hurt because it came from someone I love. It hurt because it came from someone I've known for years. It hurt because it was said maliciously, with the intent to scar. It hurt because with this friend in particular, we've crossed this point in the road one too many times.
People say I act a little funny | I wouldn't change not for no money... ~TLC, What About Your Friends
Believe it or not, already, it's beginning. People are treating me differently, why...I don't know. But, if this is a sign of things to come: people blatantly attacking you because they think you're leaving them out, then maybe it's time for me to envoke my Spiritual Caller ID as defined by author Kevin E. Taylor in his book Unclutter, Cleanse Your Spirit, and Claim your Stuff, so that I'll have one less bell to answer.
